Shinobi: Heart Under Blade

Back in the 80’s when local convenience stores not named 7-11 and video arcades still existed there was a popular game called Karate Champ. All the older kids would be gathered in a semi circle, laying down quarters to challenge each other until their parents indicated it was time to go. Me, I was wasting my allowance on a little known game called Shinobi tucked away in the quiet recesses of Time Out, my local arcade. I loved that game. It made me want to become a ninja when I grew up.

2008 and I’m still no ninja. But the fascination with them has never left me, which is why I bought Shinobi: Heart Under Blade without a second thought. I never buy movies that I haven’t seen before, let alone, never heard of. But the title brought back the days of pure joy I would feel when playing Shinobi. It turned out to be a great purchase. Chinese martial arts blockbusters such as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Hero, and House of Flying Daggers don’t even compare to this Japanese tale.

Set in 17th century Japan, the story centers around two young lovers from enemy camps, Oboro (a delicious, little vamp from the Iga clan) and Gennosuke (an introspective, young buck with a righteous mullet from the Kouga). Under order of the Shogun, their respective camps have been under treatise for over 400 years to coexist peacefully. But a Shogun aide declares a dissolution to the treaty and pits five of the best warriors from each clan against one another for the rights of their kin to succeed the current Shogun. To add insult to injury, Oboro and Gennosuke are appointed leaders of their respective clans – therein, lies the rub.

It’s like Romeo and Juliet…ninja style. Like the timeless tale of forlorn love that precedes it, the hero (Gennosuke) is a gigantic female private part, vowing to discover the real intent behind the politicos’ actions instead of commiting unpleasantries toward his beloved or her people. Oboro, on the other hand, chooses to accept her fate even if it means killing the man she loves. It’s obvious who wears the pants in that relationship. If I were to kick her in the groin I would break my foot from her humongous balls of steel.

All kidding aside, this movie deals with various themes – loyalty, pride, warrior code, and the loss of a sub-culture by government hands – indigenous to Japanese society. Sound familiar? That’s because, although containing elements of fantasy, Shinobi essentially mirrors the plight of the samurai. The fierce dedication each tribesman has for his respective leader, the ultimate sacrifice of one’s own life for a greater purpose, scheming political figureheads with deceitful agendas – this movie reads more like a Japanese history book than the comic/anime series it’s based on…with action sequences so brilliant it would bring even the most impotent of men to attention.

Never in my life have I seen such imaginative fight scenes. The supernatural powers each warrior member of the Iga and Kouga possess are enough to make the traditional Chinese ‘leap-to-the-sky-float-in-the-air’ swordplay look as boring as two quadriplegics in a sparring session (no offense to the physically challenged).

If a beautiful seductress with poison literally running through her veins and a pro-mullet activist with the ability to move faster than time isn’t enough to entice you, I don’t know what will. Asian fetishist the world over, however, will be done in by Yukie Nakama’s (Oboro) Piercing Eye technique…like I was. She’s so hot.

And so is this movie.

MUST OWN

Punch Drunk Love: It's as Weird as it Sounds

I first saw this movie when it was released on DVD in 2003 fully knowing it would not be a typical Adam Sandler, gut-buster comedy. And although armed with that knowledge I still managed to come out of my home theater dumber than I was going in, apologizing to my brain for putting it through the rigors of a completely unexpected – and unnecessary – workout. However, determined to figure out what the movie was all about, I immediately began studying the special features only to find more nonsensical garbage. Defeated and alone, I promised myself to one day crack the film’s weirdness and understand it in its entirety. Though not this night, my brain was too tired.

However, that day would eventually come – four and a half years later – after having watched yet another SNL alumnus – Will Ferrell – foray into a serious acting role in Stranger Than Fiction (which I will review at a later time). It was then that I recalled suffering through Sandler’s first attempt at a non-comedic role so many years ago…and the promise I had made to suffer through it a second time if that’s what it took to make sense of it all. Being a true man of my word, I prepped myself with some mental pushups, dusted off the two disc special edition DVD, and focused in on the 50” plasma like a man possessed.

Success would be mine this day, and with it a realization that some movies just need a second chance to be understood.

The story is simple: Barry Egan is a socially inept small business owner prone to sporadic fits of rage – he has his seven domineering sisters to thank for that. He lives his days lonely and depressed until a chance meeting with an attractive woman, Lena Leonard, (played by Emily Watson) outside of his office-warehouse changes his romantic fortunes. However, a previous call to a phone sex operator proves to be a costly mistake threatening his financial well being and jeopardizing his blossoming relationship.

Yeah, I know. You’re reading that last line and thinking, “What the f?” Well, it will inevitably become your mantra because you’ll find yourself repeating it all throughout the movie. That’s what makes Punch Drunk Love so pleasantly awkward. There’s not just one conflict here. There’s many. And they’re not your typical woman-falls-in-love-with-man-then-has-second-thoughts-but-ends-up-living-happily-ever-after variety. Barry faces conflict with his sisters who greet him as “gay-boy” and question every little move he makes. He faces conflict within himself, breaking into tears for no reason whatsoever. And yes, the ultimate conflict, a sex line scam involving a sex line operator/hairdresser, a pimp/mattress salesman, and four brothers who can only be described as the redneck version of Children of the Corn: The Adult Years.

Come to think of it, even the burgeoning romance between Barry and Lena could qualify as conflict. Just getting to that first date was a hassle in and of itself. And once the relationship transitions from “just dating” to “going steady” Lena’s quirks become more apparent and you begin wondering if she too is harboring any abnormal tendencies of her own. It’s a certain look in her eyes that suggest something playfully sinister about her character. In other words, she’s probably just as whacked out as Barry if not more so.

But for all the great play on conflict this movie seems more suited to film students than general audiences. Imagery, camera angles, and sound all seem to play an important part in the story’s makeup. A harmonium is a prominent feature in this movie that I still don’t quite get. My guess is it represents his relationship with Lena in that he cares for this beat up, old instrument that’s obviously been through a lot. But why wouldn’t they just represent that in the relationship itself? As well, telephones are used in just about every scene most likely to reinforce Barry’s social ineptitude. There are a number of other nuances contained in this film that serve to either annoy or entertain. I like to think the latter. If anything, it makes for good conversation with others who have seen it, observing parities between other’s interpretations and your own.

Though Sandler’s character exemplified all of his strong points as an actor – introvert capable of violent streaks – his first attempt at a more serious acting role is still memorable. There are a handful of funny moments though this film depicts them in a more refined manner.

However, if you’ve never seen this movie and are thinking of buying it…don’t. Rent it first before making a decision. I watched it a third time and got bored.

RENTAL

1-18-08

Those of you who saw Transformers in the theaters know what I’m talking about. It was the unnamed trailer of a monster terrorizing New York through the point of view of five twenty-somethings recording the events in real time. The preview simply ended with the film’s date of release. Well, everyone should know by now that it finally has a working title, Cloverfield. Granted, this is nothing new to movie geeks the world over.

There has been a lot of verbal warfare occurring on internet forums over the lameness of the title. No one knows why JJ Abrams decided on Cloverfield. Some are speculating that it’s a military codename (ala Desert Storm). Others say it’s one of the characters’ last names. It could be Abrams’ nickname for his johnson for all I care. What we can all agree on, however, is that Abrams has sparked a great deal of interest in his movie. From it’s untitled first trailer, to the meaning of its official title, to the mystery of what the monster will look like…we're all a bunch of suckers, and Abrams knows it.

I look forward to great things from this movie. It’s at the top of my “To Do” list for January 18, 2008…along with finding a life.

I Am Legend: I Am Happy With Movie

I hate when moviegoers rant about how disappointed they always are at Hollywood adaptations of popular novels. “It wasn’t as good as the book”, they say, while continuing to nitpick at every single detail. Here’s a revelation, genius. Maybe that’s because you and the director are two different people who don’t share the same imagination. The beauty of books is that everything unfolds in your head as you choose to see it. So of course you’re going to be disappointed when a movie’s visuals don’t match your own.

Now, I don’t claim to have read Richard Matheson’s “I Am Legend” (yet), but I have read countless other books-turned-movies and have, at times, been genuinely disappointed with the direction, pace, or flow of certain box office versions, but not enough to deny the film’s primary objective of entertaining audiences – the majority of which are not book readers. That is exactly what the newest screen version of I Am Legend accomplishes though it still harbors a few imperfections.

Robert Neville, a military scientist, is faced with the burdening task of finding a cure for a virus originally meant to cure cancer. This virus, however, is not without its adverse effects, eliminating a large percentage of the world’s population and creating vampire-like creatures out of those who escape death’s stranglehold. Neville is the only one immune to the virus and, assumingly, the last man on earth. Accompanied by his loyal canine companion, Samantha, they cruise the desolate streets of New York by day as hunter-gatherers and confine themselves in Neville’s fortified town-home by night to avoid any unnecessary skirmishes with the mutated darkseekers.

The opening images portraying New York as a silent metropolis (save a cacophony of insects and a few chirping birds) are quite unnerving although it relies largely on effects to depict decaying buildings which ruin the scene’s overall realism. “28 Days Later” did a much better job of it with London as their backdrop. Rent the latter and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

The other oddity of this film was the presence of an actual villain. Though we are never told his name or how he rose to the ranks of alpha human-eater, his dominance is undeniable. But the decision to institute a villainous leader is pretty ridiculous, especially for a species that has supposedly lost all traces of human qualities. It gives the movie more of a comic book feel that further detracts from its believability.

Another notable disappointment: Sally Richardson is no longer as hot as she was in “A Low Down Dirty Shame”. Sigh.

But despite its few drawbacks, “I Am Legend” succeeds in establishing a relationship between viewer and protagonist thanks to another outstanding performance by Will Smith. Absent are the corny jokes and annoying quips that have played a hand in launching his career. Instead, we find an actor acting his butt off alongside a dog and a handful of mannequins. Because of this, the viewer can’t help but be drawn to Smith’s character. You feel his pain from losing his family, you feel his loneliness, you understand his madness, and in an endearing moment at the video store, you feel his loyalty to Samantha.

“Legend’s” director, Francis Lawrence, also does a good job of working the elements of light and dark to play with the audience’s emotions. In this case, light represents safety and darkness epitomizes fear. The most dramatic instance of this (for me) was Neville’s intestinal fortitude to leave the asylum of day in order to save Samantha from her misstep into a pitch, black warehouse. The audience’s sense of uneasiness heightens as Neville ventures deeper into the darkness and the light peering through the open doorway behind him slowly becomes a tiny speck of nothing. The old saying “Stay away from the light” couldn’t have been so wrong in this scenario. I still get goose bumps thinking about it.

But this is, by no means, a horror movie. This is an entertaining science fiction thriller where the terror emanates from the all-too-real fear of being alone. And given the fact that a loveable dog figures prominently in many scenes, expect there to be plenty of “Awwww!” moments too.

So to all the non-believers out there who are quick to push the book on others instead of the movie…go back to school, get a film degree, and make your own damn movie!

MUST OWN (when available on DVD)

21

Not a movie post (I know) but as a Redskins fan I had to write something.

I have never met Sean Taylor. There are only stories of his maturation, love of family, his infectious smile, and generosity off the field. I have no reason to doubt those stories. But I knew him only as a football player so that is how I will remember him...a Redskin.

Despite his growing pains, his late hits and his blown assignments I could never deny Sean's passion.

That is why I admired him. That is why he was my favorite player. That is why I believe he could have been a Hall of Famer. That is why I believe he was the best defensive player in the NFL.

For those that disagree, I wish only that Sean Taylor had been given more time on this earth to prove his doubters wrong.

He deserves a place among Washington's best - Art Monk, Joe Theismann, Darrell Green, John Riggins.

He lived proudly as a Redskin and he died honorably as a Redskin. DC was blessed to have him.

I'll miss you Sean...

A tribute video couresy of redskins.com: http://video.redskins.com/Multimedia/MultimediaCenter.aspx?id=172

The Fountain: There's Nothing Wrong with Artsy Fartsy

11 out of 13 movie critics rebuked Darren Aronofsky’s latest cinematic effort and understandably so. With reputations at stake and endless pressures to keep the loyalties of their review-dependant disciples deeply rooted, it isn’t far fetched to think that a critic’s true opinions could be supplanted by the greater need to align their views with that of the general public’s. That being said, we live in a coddled society where efficiency replaces quality and laziness usurps good old-fashioned hard work. So when a movie like The Fountain comes along and uses elements of light and placement in time to challenge a person’s ability to think rather than load up on CGI-rich action sequences and mindless dialogue, it’s no wonder people head for the exit doors 20 minutes into the movie.

Oh well, their loss, because an intelligent masterpiece awaits those who ultimately stay the course. Yes, intelligent. Plenty of moviegoers far too often mistake Aronofsky’s style to be highbrow. But smart does not necessarily mean pretentious. No, pretentious would be a fantastically artistic picture sans storyline. The story behind The Fountain is simple – A man fights for the life of his inamorata over the span of 1000 years: as a Spanish conquistador in the 1500s, as a scientist in the present day, and as an explorer in the 26th century.

Hugh Jackman brilliantly portrays three different characters (Tomas/Tommy/Tom) over the millennia tied together by a steadfast loyalty to his beloved – a humbling thought for a prevailing society rampant with both open and secret infidelities. And Rachel Weis is outstanding in her performance as Isabel/Izzy, a dynamic soul trapped in an otherwise dying vessel.

Present day Izzy is a woman undaunted as cancer consumes everything but her spirit while her husband, Tommy, spends precious hours in the lab frantically searching for a cure, refusing to yield to the thought of his wife’s impending death. Schooled in Mayan folklore, Izzy brings the past to the forefront through the fantasies of her unfinished journal. It is a world where she becomes Isabel, Queen of Spain and Tommy becomes Tomas, her personal conquistador. Doomed by the zealous actions of the Grand Inquisitor, Isabel commissions Tomas on an impossible mission to seek the Tree of Life whose existence is confirmed in the Bible. The future takes its turn in the spotlight as a backdrop for Tom realizing what needs to be done in order to finish Izzy’s incomplete tale. His home is a bubble floating in space, rings tattooing his arms to represent each passing year in loneliness, and Izzy takes the form of a moribund Tree of Life. He explores the outer rims of the universe desperately searching for Xibablba, the heaven that Izzy so passionately believed in, to reunite once again with his lost love.

Aronofsky takes a familiar genre and molds it into what he envisions science fiction could be with heavy element of romance, clever storytelling, creative imagery, and imaginative perspectives. Darkness and light heavily influence the landscape during the film’s entirety and amazing doesn’t even begin to describe its visuals. They are a stoner’s virtual wet dream. And the score is also a prize in and of itself, which attains that delicate balance of enhancing the viewer’s experience without being at all intrusive.

Though described as a search for everlasting life, this movie is more about the realization of one’s own mortality. It is a fable about how we should live in the now to avoid living in regret later. I could write a whole dissertation on my interpretation of The Fountain but I will leave it up to you to pass your own judgment. It’s like a music lover singing the words incorrectly to their favorite song. Although their lyrical take is different than that of the artist’s, the essence of the song remains the same. That is this film’s beauty – whether or not you believe every disease has a cure, whether true love is a genuine farce, or whether Heaven is a myth or reality…there is no right or wrong, only what you believe to be true.

MUST OWN

Carrie: Sissy Spacek is Not the Devil

We’ve all experienced them. Whether sitting on a patch of freshly trimmed grass gazing off into the distant night sky or staring blankly at the bathroom wall while resting comfortably on the porcelain throne, revelations will hit without warning like a 100 mph Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the temple. And although mine wasn’t nearly as earth shattering as discovering the secret to defeating the only man capable of slamming a revolving door shut, it was still a pretty eye-opening experience.

With All Hallows’ Eve just around the corner, prime time and cable networks have once again, begun their yearly tradition of saturating our television sets with nightmarish visions of ghosts, goblins, vampires, antichrists, and blood-soaked prom queens. Filled with the Halloween spirit I threw on my couch potato costume, grabbed a pack of peanut M&M’s, set the idiot box to channel 20, and prepared myself for the ultimate high school horror classic, Carrie.

Throughout the entire movie I started to become dizzy from repeated roundhouse strikes of revelation to my dome. They are listed in no particular order:

1. I was home alone on a Friday night
2. I’m a big, fat loser for being home alone on a Friday night
3. Piper Laurie looks like Linda Blair
4. They don’t make horror movies like they used to
5. Sissy Spacek was a 70’s hottie

Ok, so I am neither big nor fat. But I am, without question, a bonafide loser. This isn’t so much a revelation as it is a reaffirmation of the truth. Let me just get that out of the way.

And anyone who looks like Linda Blair will always be scary to me. To clarify, Piper Laurie played Margaret White, Carrie’s fanatically-religious-to-the-point-of-psychotic mother in Brian De Palma’s adaptation of the popular Steven King novel. Linda Blair starred as Regan MacNeil, the sweet little girl turned freakish evil demon child (sounds like some of my ex girlfriends) in William Peter Blatty’s, The Exorcist. If a mother-daughter tandem rings my doorbell this October 31st dressed as the aforementioned two characters I’m 99% sure I’d poop my pants. For their sake (and my boxer’s) let’s hope this Halloween, instead, produces visits from the likes of Cinderellas and Tinkerbells.

But what I really want to talk about are points four and five.

Outside of a handful of movies - Event Horizon, Saw I, Ringu (The Ring), Ju-On (The Grudge), The Others, and Jacob's Ladder come to mind - horror movies post 80's have failed to leave any lasting impressions. For example, to this day I still haven't finished Event Horizon since shutting off the VCR 10 years ago. Joined by my girlfriend (at the time) and six of our closest friends that night we all agreed we were too freaked out to continue. Now that, people, is a scary movie. Besides the above mentioned, horror films haven't done anything like that to me since.

But the back-to-back decades of roller disco and rubik's cube competitions churned out some of the finest hair raisers the genre had to offer. Carrie was one of those horrifying experiences for me on a couple of different levels. I was only a year removed from my mother’s womb when she and my dad made a beeline for the theaters upon the movie’s release in 1977. I thought I was safe, cradled securely in my beloved mother’s arms until the very last scene where I suddenly found my helpless, one year old self, in turn, making a beeline for the concrete floor. Apparently, fright had gotten the better of her as she dropped her precious cargo, leaving me to make like superman before my dad’s heads up reaction saved me from serious mental retardation.

Flash forward: when I was about five years old I got a fix for a good horror flick so my parents and I hopped into our chocolate brown Ford Pinto, headed to Erol’s Video, and rented ‘Carrie’ on Betamax. It wasn’t until later that night I realized what had caused my dear mother to momentarily lose grip on her only son four years prior – only the scariest ending in the history of the horror genre, hands down. Oh yea, and I also developed an incessant aversion to Sissy Spacek.

For over a quarter of a century Sissy’s brilliant portrayal of a quiet introvert gone cuckoo and the infamous ‘prom night’ scene has continually haunted my dreams. Her wide, piercing eyes and pale white skin covered in a bucket’s worth of pigs’ blood caused me to forever believe that Ms. Spacek was the devil incarnate. I couldn’t watch any of her other Oscar nominated roles without being completely overtaken by a case of the heebie jeebies.

That is, until this past Friday when I realized just how hot – a then 28 year old – Sissy Spacek really was. I’m not usually much for blondes so that speaks volumes about her physical beauty. But it was more about the subtle attributes she gave to her character – the innocence, loyalty, demure disposition, and seductive southern drawl – that caught my attention. Had I been a sexually curious teenage boy in 1977 I would have definitely put the petite, blonde bombshell in my laminated top five.

Who would have ever thought I’d eventually be smitten by a 5’2” succubus that used to infiltrate my childhood nightmares? Thank you, revelation, for making me realize Sissy Spacek is not the devil. Now I can openly welcome her to invade my adult fantasies.

Be sure to look out for cameos by John Travolta, Edie Mclurg (the secretary in Ferris Beuller’s Day Off), William Katt (The Greatest American Hero), and Nancy Allen (Murphy’s partner in Robocop)

MUST OWN